Forgive us our trespasses?

I am struggling with the concept and act of forgiveness. There’s not a day in my 61+ years of life that I haven’t consciously known about my God sending His Son, Jesus, to atone for and forgive my sins. I was raised in churches that pounded those doctrines in me for which I am grateful. Looking back, the pounding ended there. Yes! – those doctrines are vital, but there is so much more “Christian” life beyond atonement and forgiveness. Justification. Sanctification. Fruit of the spirit. Saved UNTO works. The EVIDENCES of the calling of the Holy Spirit and Christ’ work IN the heart and soul of God’s child.

And the ever confounding act of forgiveness. SO many catch phrases with that word: “its not for them, it’s for you”; “you’re never more like Christ than when you forgive.” Ugh! Just pile on the guilt please! I know forgiveness is needed, necessary, and commanded. I know I should. So I try. And try. And try. Is that what it looks like? A continuim? I know Christ’ forgiveness is once and for always – but OBVIOUSLY I’m not Christ. He taught us how to pray and in the prayer we call “The Lord’s Prayer,” He says, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Beautiful words! Sounds so easy, and it actually is. I think my problem is I expect a warm-fuzzy to engulf me when I forgive X, and then I remember as Christ was hanging on the cross, betrayed, beaten, bloody, humiliated, stabbed, with his mother watching – can you even? – He says, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” I KNOW there was NO warm-fuzzy feeling as He forgave His murderers. It was simply a fact – He forgave. That’s what He does. That’s what I am to do as God’s child and Christ’s follower.